I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna take the plunge. I’m gonna take back control of my life — I’m going to start wearing a toupee.
Other people get to be happy, so why not me? All my life I’ve blamed my problems on stepping on mines or lack of elixir, but the real root of my problems has been a lack of confidence. Man, if I had a full head of hair, everything would be different.
The upside to being a giant is that most people can’t see the top of your head. But what about the other giants? We can all see each other’s bald heads. So embarrassing. Or when I walk past the archer’s tower, I can tell those ladies are staring at my shiny hairless melon. It’s humiliating!
I know what you’re thinking — “But toupees look terrible! Everyone can tell it’s not your real hair!” Sure, maybe ten years ago. But the villagers have made incredible advances in wig technology lately. I’m going for my fitting today. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be a whole new me!