Giant’s Diary

A day in the life of a Giant. Read his diary posts.

Day Eight

By | Giant's Diary | 1,781 Comments

I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna take the plunge. I’m gonna take back control of my life — I’m going to start wearing a toupee.

Other people get to be happy, so why not me? All my life I’ve blamed my problems on stepping on mines or lack of elixir, but the real root of my problems has been a lack of confidence. Man, if I had a full head of hair, everything would be different.

The upside to being a giant is that most people can’t see the top of your head. But what about the other giants? We can all see each other’s bald heads. So embarrassing. Or when I walk past the archer’s tower, I can tell those ladies are staring at my shiny hairless melon. It’s humiliating!

I know what you’re thinking — “But toupees look terrible! Everyone can tell it’s not your real hair!” Sure, maybe ten years ago. But the villagers have made incredible advances in wig technology lately. I’m going for my fitting today. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be a whole new me!

Day Seven

By | Giant's Diary | 1,339 Comments

Saw a tree stump today. How does that happen?

I mean, I’ve seen trees and I’ve seen builders take trees down, but I’ve never seen them leave a stump. Never. And I watch a lot. What else do I have to do except move back and forth in the Army Camp?

So where did this stump come from? Did a tree try and grow and then just stopped? It’s possible, because trees only grow when no one is looking. I’ve lived in this village a long time and never seen a tree grow. And I would, I have a lot of time. What else do I have to do except move back and forth in the Army Camp?

If a tree can stop growing at a stump, what else could? Like maybe a giant like me could stop growing just above the legs – how bad would that be? You couldn’t smash anything, because you wouldn’t even have any hands. You would have legs though and you know what you can do with those? Walk back and forth in the Army Camp.

I don’t want to make this about me. It’s just that I’m a big, tall, Giant and I feel bad this tree couldn’t enjoy the same full growth that I had – it stopped at stump. Realistically, let’s not focus on what happened, let’s think about going forward. That’s what every self-help book I have ever read has told me. So I guess I’m heading towards what advice I can give this stump. I guess I would say, even if you are a stump, take pride in yourself. Act and hold yourself up as if you were a fully grown tree. I think people can sense that. And truth is, just like a fully grown tree, villagers are going to come clap at you and then, at some point, some builder is going to come chop you down and your life is kind of useless. I know that’s a bummer so until then, ignore the truth and stand tall, stand proud, find the tree inside of you, even if you are just a stump.

Day Six

By | Giant's Diary | 1,224 Comments

Ripped my shirt on a wood wall (what kind of village do we live in that still has wood walls? Lazy builders). Anyway, a barbarian offered me his shirt and then he and all the other barbarians laughed. Ha ha, very funny. So I pounded him once – not enough to really hurt him, but just enough to hurt him a little. (I could tell because that weird status bar appeared over his head and went down a little).

It felt good at the time, but then I felt bad afterwards. Now, thinking about it more, I’m starting to feel good again.

Day Five

By | Giant's Diary | 1,278 Comments

Hot today. Hot everyday.

Made me wonder how come there are never clouds? Also, how come it’s never dark? Would a little rain be so bad?

But no, all we ever have is sun, sun, sun.   Okay, so if that’s how it is, how about some sunblock? Maybe the guys in the laboratory can cook up some of that? Speaking of improvements, with permanent sunlight, has anyone ever thought about solar power? I have, and I think it would be good. But no one listens to a giant. Nope, my job is to smash stuff. I have ideas that could help smash sunburns and power bills, but no one cares.

Day Four

By | Giant's Diary | 1,277 Comments

I don’t want to get into all the details but let’s just say never lend money to a goblin. They say they’ll pay it back (at least I think that’s what they are saying – who can really tell?) and then when you need it, they’re never around. Also, hard to track down which one you lent it to when they all look the same. I know, people say we giants all look the same and me saying that about goblins could be racist and I should be more understanding, but still, a goblin borrowed money from me and now I don’t know which one. All I remember is he had suspenders. And I think he was green.